The Art Of Not Expecting A Payback

A valuable lesson from the ‘Shaolin Way’ that reduces anxiety

There was a time I lived under the assumption that just because I’ve done something nice and beneficial for someone, that the same person would return the favor. It didn’t have to be physical in nature or monetary, just a simple act. However, a little book and some life experiences have shown me that I can have peace no matter what.

The book is titled, The Shaolin Way by Steve Demasco, a Shaolin Grandmaster. I read the book many, many years ago, but there was one tenet he mentioned that changed how I view social relations altogether:

Stop expecting a payback just because you were kind.

There are a few emotional cycles you go through when awaiting an act of kindness in return. As you present your problem to your friend/family member, you recall the time you’ve helped them. Erroneously, you believe they will do the same for you. In some cases, this is true.

When they do not help you, you reach back into your memories. You wonder what went wrong. You helped this person at their lowest and now they can’t even return the favor?

You begin to think perhaps they can’t help you. In some cases, this is true. I’ve been in situations where I helped a family member over…